the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
