idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
