Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
