i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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