Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
