Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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