you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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