im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
