mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
