A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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