life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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