The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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