but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
