those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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