You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
did i just pee glitter
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
