I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
