Taylor Swift is so right about you.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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