About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
