yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
