I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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