Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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