and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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