Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
