1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Randomize
