Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
