if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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