Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
