I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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