if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
