I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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