i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
