The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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