I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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