went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Is it penis luge time yet?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
