Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
