doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I want to have your abortion
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
