U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
