I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
