She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
