I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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