Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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