I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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