I can text with my tongue
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
