i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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