I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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