i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
