the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
