I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
