yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
