dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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