Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
