I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
