I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
They have beer where we have blood.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
there is glitter all over my balls
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
