On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
This baby is an asshole
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
