I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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