bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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