Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
