I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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