I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So vagazzling was a success
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
