i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
