I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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