I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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