Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
